One of the biggest flaws of a relationship that most of us tend to practice is assuming that others live by our set of rules in life or at least know what we want from life. This is where the tension in a relationship starts when one expects something and the other unintentionally and unfortunately is fine with not fulfilling the same because he/she has his own rulebook. Here are ten steps to end tension in your personal relations:
Ten Steps To End Tension In Your Personal Relationships
Take Time Out To Talk
One of the major barriers of a healthy relationship is failing to talk or rather just take out time to talk. Communication plays a significant role in all relationships. You may be one of those eloquent persons who just want to speak out whatever comes in your mind. The person on the other end may be an introvert and needs time to figure out the things. This is the reason that you need to settle down a time when both ends are ready to talk and express their rights and wrongs to each other.
Delineate And Settle Down For Ground Rules
State important issues you need to discuss in advance to each other so that whatever conversation takes place is productive. Mutually agree to some pre-determined rules like nobody should be declared wrong and none of you will speak in a way that blames, demeans or is hostile.
Set A Purpose
When you set a purpose for your conversation, you are sure to act on the same in a positive way. The focus lies on achieving the objective. Think on what you want to pull off in the upcoming conversation. Are you ready to understand what the other person puts on table? Will you be honest throughout? Are you willing to reach a solution?
Decide To Appreciate Genuinely
Before you start, look for something that you can genuinely appreciate about the other person during the conversation. This will help in tearing down of walls and build an optimistic aura around both sides. You can talk about instances during your happy times, what you liked about other person’s attitude and so on.
Make Sure Only One Talks
It is important to talk one by one and not just keep babbling what you have in your mind when the other is speaking. Wait with your point of you till the other side ends. You will surely get a chance to state it.
Wait For Your Turn
It is very important to keep your negative feelings like anger, judgement and irritation at the back of your mind while the other person is speaking. Assume that there is a parking lot and you have parked your thoughts there for some time until you get your turn to speak.
Mirror What You Get
One of the most effective ways is to reflect the words of the person. Repeat what you heard uttered by the other person and be sure of your interpretation. At the same time, you should make sure that you do not get defensive in case you are not right. This will make issued simpler and easily understood.
Settle Down For A Summary
Once the other side is over with its thought and you are sure that nothing else is left to share, take some time to summarize what you understood from what was shared.
Validate The Feelings Of The Other Person
After you summarise, it is significant to validate the feelings of the other side. It surely does not mean that you are totally agreeing on it. You just have to be assertive of the fact that you understand and realise what he/she has gone through.
Take Your Turn
Now it is the time, when you can speak and the other side will listen. Remember using the same rules that were followed earlier while you were quiet. Take time to explain your perspective and be sure of what they interpreted, the same way as we did in your case.
Express yourself without demeaning or blaming the other person. In the end, ask him/her to summarise too, again the way you did. Following these steps are sure to sort out much of your issues in a relationship. These steps will make both sides feel valued, understood and heard.